I hate SATs.

I hate sats.

I really despise them.

I totally resent their existence in my world.

I would rather listen to the European Union debate the straightness and length of bananas in Danish, than I would do sats.

I refuse to capitlise them.


This week we have had mock optional sats. Look at those words. mock (as in pretend) optional (as in don't have to do it) and sats (as in standard assessment tests). Now lets look at what they really mean.

Mock - yes, these are only the pretend ones however they will enable us to start calculating the results for the final ones and so we can look at who needs boosting in the last few weeks and identify weak spots to focus on before we do the test - but lest not teach to the test.........

Optional - no you don't have to do them, but if you don't then you need to have 900million good reasons why not, or else it's a case of "What are you scared of?"

sats - superfluous asinine torture for students. No, really, that's what it means.

Take the reading test on Monday. My children, from rural Ruralshire, had to read and answer a series of ridiculous questions on a story about road racing in Namibia. And then on the Tuesday, they had to write an alternative ending for said road race in Namibia. My children know very little about Namibia. It's not in Geography, so we aren't allowed to teach it. There isn't time. There's no rounding of children's education these days from their exposure to a variety of teachers with a variety of interests.


As you may have gathered, I'm not keen on sats.

From an ASD point of view, I took children out of their usual groups, put them into different rooms and asked them to sit still for 30 minutes and write the answers to questions that they couldn't read about a story that they didn't understand.

I'm going for a cup of tea. And then I'm going to mark the cursed sats.

Ok, so, it's been a while.........

............. but let's face it, it's not like anyone reads this anyway lol!

All of Spectrum have settled into what was a very short half term, although Captains Blue and Magenta had some time off with illness.

Captain Magenta has done particularly well this half term to be honest. I've been off with VLE training and BETT show and so on, Rhapsody Angel has been off as her son wasn't well, and Captain Blue was off sick, but still he coped remarkably well.

Lt Green is completely driving me around the twist at the moment. I know it's just the Aspergers, but there are times when it seems to be a deliberate choice. A small piece of background would be that I have provided Lt. Green with a PDA for use as an electronic visual timetable. It works really well for him, he always knows what is going on, and he can now update it himself. He is responsible for the charging, for the knowing where it is, and so on. I've jsut extended this to another ASD child, Captain Ochre, and whilst he doesn't always use his (his ASD is one of the label-this-child-for-something types IMHO!) it means the two of them can beam things backwards and forwards and so on. However, Lt. Green is now on his 4th PDA, all of which are supplied by ME from eBay. I've paid for them, set them up and so on. The fact he's on his 4th and the others have all died a death due to various injuries, has led me to say, "This PDA does not go into the playground." We've done the social stories, we've gone over the rules, we've talked and roleplayed until we are blue in the face. But still, he wants to take this thing into the playground, and so he determines that he will. He chooses to do this, he hides it from me if he sees me.

However, I will bring it up at parents evening and nothing will happen. So far I have managed to deflect several parents from coming to parent's evening, and had one excuse which I am prepared to accept - baby due on day of parent's evening! I laughingly told the child to say good luck to his mummy and I would see her whenever was convenient, but not to worry at all about his behaviour or progress. I'll send her a note to that effect as well I think.

In my life, the arthritis is playing up big time, I now have Glucosomine to take (which may do nothing!) and 2 big sit on balls to improve my core stability. I have exercises to do, a DVD to improve my back posture and still everything just hurts. *winge* I know it will do, don't get me wrong, I know in fact that it will get worse before it gets better because the muscles have to be retrained. Oh what joy is mine?

And we're discussing a child of our own. I have a lovely son, nearly 5. My OH has a lovely daughter, nearly 6, lives a looooooooooooooooong way away (we're talking continents) so why aren't we just going for it?

Well, one of the reasons is the children. Spectrum children are not reknown for their ability to accept change. Now, supposing I fell pregnant in March, I'd be leaving school around Nov/Dec next year. This lot of Spectrum would have gone up to 5/6 (chortles with evilness!) but there is a whole new legion coming up. Is it fair for children who have just moved school (in 3 situations that are expected) to then change teacher that early? And is it fair on some supply teacher to have to ensure that the systems are kept up to date and in place? Because mat. leave would be the full year (oh yeah!) and these children are not easy to maintain. They are lovely to teach, easy to care for, but the hours of prep are not easy to do.

On the other hand, it's my life and county only own me for 1265 hours a year (again with the cynical, yeah right!)

I would say answers on a postcard please, but as no-one actually reads this except me, there isn't any point! I'm going to go and make clicker grids, and then we're off out to the Sealife Centre!

January term starts - with new names!

and I am wonderful.

Nope.

Really, I am!

Not only have my children come back with limited loss of knowledge (although I'd rather refer to it as replacement of knowledge by something more necessary to them) but I have also managed to come up with a way to identify my children in this here blog.

Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, let me take you back to a time long ago, when anyone my age was young and saw reruns of a marvellous programme called Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons.

I get to be just me.

The headteacher of what is a very fine establishment is Col White (had to be really - although did you know Gerry Anderson chose the name because white is a mix of all the other colours?)

In my class is Lt Green, Captains Magenta and Blue, with Harmony and Rhapsody Angels respectively. (Yeah, I named the 1-1 adults after the Angels - what else could I choose?)

In my Numeracy and Literacy classes we also get Captain Brown, with Symphony Angel, Captain Grey with Melody Angel, and a variety of other small people with their own small issues. They may well get their own names if a full supporting cast is required.

Our beloved SENCO will be referred to as Dr Fawn.

And I think that covers everyone!

Obviously there will be invasions from time to time. Yes, I would love to cast the various outside agencies as the Mysterons, but that would hardly be kind of me lol, as their intention is to help, not the destruction of life on earth (although is is indeed useless for me to resist anything that they say......) . Perhaps that particular 'moniker' will be left for the dark forces who do not believe that children who are autistic should be in mainstream schooling. Oh yes, and several still work in schools.

I still like Mysterons for the outside agencies though. But I had a very postive experience with an outside agency this week, and so I'm quite pro them at the moment.

Other plus points this week!

Capt.'s Blue and Magenta have returned to school, knowing almost all the things that they went with before the holidays. They have settled in nicely again, and Capt. Blue is used to his new routine.

Lt. Green is having one of his more wildly irritating phases again. I try and be calm, I try and be gentle, I try and be all the things that I can be, but sometimes I just want to say "Will you STOP that!" Only there would be no point, because he doesn't even know he's doing it half the time.

Rhapsody Angel has been away for a week, and so we have had a stand in Angel, who was amazing. Unfortunately, money being what it is, it meant that she was removed from another child to support Capt. Magenta, but the balance of needs was looked at and found to be in Magenta's favour, so that was the way it went.

I'll finish this later!

End of term-itus

I have end of termitus. It's a common complaint amongst teachers, leading to disinterest in marking, tiredness, and outbreaks of worksheets or "Golden Time"

I'll tell you what it's like.

In the morning, when I get up at around 6am, I head downstairs, in the dark, leaving my OH and my Adorable Child asleep.

The second my foot hits the bottom step both the cat and the guinea pig start. The cat wants water. He always wants water. We've had him checked, it's just the way he is. The Guinea pig wants whatever is going, preferably twice. They both keep up the incessant noise until they have what they want.

And then the cat starts again just so that I know he wants to go out.

I may or may not have chance to find my clothes and get dressed before the AC appears, all bleary eyed in the doorway. He also begins his day with requests for food (pancakes) drink (blackcurrant) and 'tellis' which is what he has always called the television. He is perfectly capable of saying television, he just chooses not to. We have the same conversation which we have every day, where I say "Go and get your clothes from your tomorrow drawer" and he says "Do I have to do that before I can watch Tom and Jerry?" and I say "You have to get dressed before you watch Tom and Jerry" and he says "Will you help me?" and I say "Yes, but you better be quick, I've got lunches to do."

He eventually stumbles up the stairs, and reappears with his clothes.

I go and tell the OH that it is 6.45, and he grunts at me.

The AC and I get him dressed, the OH appears, and stumbles into the shower.
I begin the pack lunches (two currently, three in January when the AC is full time) and then the request for pancakes is repeated, and I realise I've forgotten to feed my son, (baaaaad mummy!) so I do those, and then realise I haven't made a coffee for the OH, so I start that, and then realise I haven't finished the lunches, so I do his, tell myself I'll get something from the school canteen, and go and get dressed.

After some more of this sort of thing, we're done. The OH heads out around 7,20, we head out around 7.40 after a calmer time of "Where's your book bag, did we read last night" and so on.

The AC and I walk to school, and that is the magical part of my morning. We have 15 minutes just for us. I'll do another blog on that walk one day.

But school then becomes a repeat of the morning. "Have you got the figures for this? have you got the resources for that? You're the ICT coordinator, where are the batteries/bee-bots/roamers? What programme do I use to teach this - can you show me how to do it? I need it at 9."

And then the bell goes, and the children line up, and the parents start "He hasn't got X" "She hasn't done her homework" "We didn't get a letter about Y"

Eventually I get them indoors (usually *without* seeing the parents I *need* to see) and then the children start. "He's got my book" "What is the good morning work?" "My reading book isn't in my book bag"

And the day continues from there.

Y'see, when I don't have end of termitus, I can say "Yes, here's your pancakes, lunch is ready, use the paint programme with the stampers, your book is in your drawer."

When I do have end of termitus, what I want to say is "Am I bovvered?"

"It's your lunch, you make it."
"It's your ICT lesson, you prep it."
"It's your book, you find it."

Obviously, the cat, the pig, and the AC still need their needs met, but honestly, that's what it's like.

And don't get me started on the Christmas performance. In fact do, and I'll blog it over the weekend.